What do you tell an athlete who just had a career ending injury? - 11 Months out!
About 2 weeks ago Justin Sua (if you have never checked out his podcast or IG, you should!) was answering questions in his IG story and one really hit home! For my 11th month surgery-iversary (but a little late) post I want to break his answer down a little how what it meant for me! (I will still give you my typical update at the end!)
The question was:
What do you tell an athlete who just had a career ending injury?
Justin gave a whole list as his response so I am going to expand on what each one means for me.
This is devastating.
Yep. I don't really know if I need to expand more. Devastating is an excellent word. You can go back and read my post about making the decision to have the partial replacement.....I was uncontrollably sobbing when the MD told me....I immediately knew that whatever athletic aspirations I had were more than likely impossible at that point - and I had not thought that previously. Devastating...and don't try to convince someone it is not! LET THEM BE SAD!
You will go through the grieving process.
Over and over and over! The 5 stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And you do NOT necessarily go through them in order and once you feel like you have moved on to the next....its very possible to slip right back. I was 100% in denial at first...there was no way that doctor was right?! I needed more opinions! Maybe I could do something else or try stem cells or PRP...but a wise friend (who is also a doctor) said that just because someone gives you an answer you like better, does not mean it is what is best. True. This is what my shoulder needed, I say that with confidence. I have bounced around between the anger & depression mostly...am I sad or angry all the time?! NO! But those feelings do happen a lot and I do occasionally hit that acceptance stage, but am yet to stay there, and thats ok.
Don't let anyone tell you how to feel. It's your process- it will take time.
People love to do this! and its pretty shocking how many people just don't really get it. Oh...well now you can just focus on this or at some point everyone is done. Yup, true. Easy? Nope! I am lucky, I know where I am and have been with it- I don't really get too down about what people say...but if you are reading this, maybe you could think about what words you say to people who are grieving and make sure they are always kind and not dismissive. I would say that is the biggest thing, people want you just to move on, which also you need to do on your own time.
It will be easy to mask your feelings with unhealthy behaviors- be aware.
yup- food and shopping . I have been aware, but doesn't mean that is easy not to do it! Thankfully the house has been an excellent distraction this whole process - getting to renovate and decorate has been fun and SO good for my mind.
Hold on to your go-to people and go-to behaviors.
Your go to people are the people who are not dismissive, do not try to still only think of you as an athlete, let you be sad and feel all the feelings, and support any other endeavor you might embark on during your journey. It's easy to want your go to people to be the ones who maybe you were closest to or surrounded yourself with the most recently....but that is not necessarily who will stick with you and help you during this transition period. Don't try to force those relationships - the people who are really your go- tos will make that known. I also think you will realize you have some people who maybe you have let relationships slip who show how much they really do care about and support you during these times!
You will feel like you lost a sense of who you are- this is normal.
Wow! This is a big one! For me, my main goals for the past 6 years were all based on being an athlete! Even after my first shoulder surgery my goals were still the same....A chance to make the games and lift well in national meets. It's hard to just not have those goals anymore. Even though I do know I am more than just good at exercise....it still feels crappy sometimes! Even 11 months later I am figuring out who I am without that part of me...the biggest part in most recent years.
Someday you will discover that you can find happiness in life outside of sport.
Kind of goes with the one above! I do think I have found joy in plenty of things that are not sport related...but it is still sad sometimes! That sadness creeps up at funny times...when I least expect it! But I have worked hard on non athlete Jenny! I love decorating my house, got back into non fitness related fashion, got involved with beauty counter to help advocate for healthier beauty practices, started making some t-shirts, sewing pillows, going to eat with friends and not worrying about what I am eating!....lots of stuff I really wasn't doing at all when my focus was competing! I can definitely say I am happy...100% of the time, no (is anyone?)...and I don't think I was for a little bit at a all...but definitely in a better place now. I am sure lots of it is time! and some of it is being willing to really remove myself from focusing just on exercise, forcing myself to work on other parts of me!
So that was all from his tiny IG story that made me thing so much! Hopefully if you are someone who is going through this it helps you to feel you are not alone ( I know that is something that always helps me!) and if you are not...I hope it gives you more insight and the ability to possibly empathize more with someone you care about who might be going through a loss.
As for my actual 11 month update...things are pretty good. I have been on the low work out motivation train recently. Just doesn't sound fun! But you know what else isn't fun...not fitting into your jeans...so I still make sure I do stuff! haha. For my 11 month surgery-iversary I decided it was time to try a handstand push-up. I started strict and failed miserably! (which I was able to laugh about....that is true progress)...but I did 3 kipping. It was the 3 hardest I hspu I have done in my entire life...but I did them. I also have been feeling more like I can just do stuff. Like we were testing Masters workouts for a comp at Friendship and I felt like "hey, I have handstand walked, I bet I can do 10 feet". It took me a few tries, but I did it! Then...because I did zero warm up...my shoulder felt TERRIBLE for like 4 days! SO ANNOYING. I have for my whole life just been able to do gymnastics stuff right away without warm up...but I know I am 1. older and 2. have a (half) fake shoulder....so I suppose I can not have the same expectations!
Well...Next month is 1 year?! Crazy! I always welcome your comments and questions! Please share these posts if you have anyone around you that might be suffering with life after injury! Until next month!