One year of healing

FitnessLifestyle

Oct 2

Written By

So today officially marks 1 year since my partial shoulder replacement! In someways it feels like time flew by & in others it seems like forever!

My goal was to blog this process every month for 1 year....and here we are! I was wanting to write about this for a few reasons.... 1. When I was looking for info about people in their 30s having shoulder replacements & what they got back to...I found NOTHING helpful. So I wanted there to be a resource to help people struggling with the same thing.....and now the same thing can obviously be the exact same thing...but I also think there is a lot about the process that will connect with people with all kinds of loss- other injuries or life changes in general. and 2. It's helpful for me to write about it....to reflect on what improvements I have made, especially early on. It also really makes me think about all the parts of this journey that are not physical at all....often typing with tears but at least confronting all those parts of this whole thing that is a big part of the journey.

Multiple people have asked if I am where I thought I would be at 1 year out and I honestly don't know! I feel like I really tried to not have expectations. Am I able to do every single physical thing I would like to, no. I would actually probably say not even close. Really...I'd love to be able to do everything I could before...at the same weight and intensity....but definitely not there! I have a very hard time with a front rack still because my shoulder external rotation is still lacking. I also still have some limited flexion, internal rotation, extension....so shoulder motion in general! haha. I have tried to highlight new things I was able to do each month, so for specifics you're best bet is to go back and look through old posts. Today (if you are following along you know I have been trying something new on every monthiversary) I did a clean and push jerk...at 55#...my mobility is not great for that front rack so not really something I think I should load or do a lot- does not feel great on my wrist or elbow (which is also surgically repaired) so not worth pushing. I also did a glide kip! I missed my first one- which was upsetting...but was sure I could do it, and was right! I don't think I have missed a kip since I was like 5. And of course "Jenny, you have a new shoulder!" but that just isn't really how my brain (or most peoples probably) works! When you feel like you are good at something....regardless of circumstances, its frustrating to not feel good at those things. I still don't really work out at the gym much -it's very very hard to be motivated and not compare myself to old Jenny (who really, I would love to still be many ways). I have worked on navigating my fitness to the best of my ability right now. Some times I feel like I should have been working my shoulder harder...should have been doing tons of cardio.....killing my legs, they didn't have surgery on them!....but to do that would have been so bad for me. Focusing so much on fitness would have in no way helped me grow. The chances of me getting back to where I was is very very very slim .... so post competitive Jenny is where the focus needs to be.

So on that topic....where is post competitive Jenny?! This year has brought lots of growth in different ways! So let's talk about those!

Instagram. This might sound like a weird topic to have in here...but it's actually been an interesting thing through this whole process! After my first shoulder surgery my whole plan was to get back to the highest level of competition...so really I kept most of my IG focused on recovery and getting back into training. I did at that time realize I probably needed to start sharing other things more, but since I was getting back into training there was still a ton of lifting and CrossFit. Well after that didn't work out & I was having this surgery I made the decision that I was not going to show exercise or my shoulder over and over...I was going to show all the other things I like and do. And that lost LOTS of followers....thousands. I totally get it. Most people were there to see the things I was not showing anymore, but at the same time there was a little bit of sadness. I was already feeling a little lost in who I was, mourning the loss of something I really cared about...then on top of it all, felt like I was less interesting with out it. I easily could have just decided I cared about keeping followers more & posted tons of old videos....but that seemed super silly! I care about me and showing what real life is like. Showing that I am more than 1 interesting thing. So now I work hard to still show some of the fitness stuff (typically posts about what I physically have been able to do have still done better than other ones...) but all the other things that have helped me grow this year. I have even though about changing my IG handle from gymjen99 ...... but man! That was my aim name....I have been that forever?! haha. What do you guys think? Keep the gymjen or change it?!

I have worked hard on doing some different things since surgery. Having the house to renovate (read more about that here!) was probably the best thing for me. I am so thankful that I had some great friends helping because physically I could not do lots of work....but was nice to have decorating and planning on my mind. I also started making/selling pillows, started a little graphic t-shirt line, and started working with Beautycounter. All of these things have helped fill the time I used to be finessing in....as well as help me feel a sense of accomplishment and something to have goals with...not related to my physical potential. It's all exciting and scary and different....but I do like it!

So here we are! A full year gone by! I still spend most of my time being a physical therapist and coach....and I have no doubt this process has made me better at both of those things....not necessarily the way I would like to improve and be more empathetic......but better than nothing good coming out of it.

This is the end of my monthly blog posts about this shoulder. I am sure I will do a few more update posts from time to time....but now I want to make sure I write about a few other topics! Thanks for following along, whether this is the first one you have read or you have followed the whole journey. I always welcome your comments and questions & if any of this helped you would love for you to share it with someone else you think it might help! Here is to the next year of growing!